Tomboy Beanpole
by CreamCheeseAlchemist
Summary: Destro has discovered something about Cobra Commander that is now constitutionally protected.


Hasbro owns GI Joe. I've got a ton of their action figures and should continue getting them.  
  
A bunch of companies in the US and Japan have interests in Yugi-Oh. Dunno who they are, but I'm not making money from this story and it's hardly going to appear on the show in any form.  
  
Someone owns and profits from Rainbow Brite. It's not me, not by a long shot.  
  
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"Tomboy Beanpole"  
  
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Destro knocked on the door of a seedy apartment in Tokyo, Japan. The Cobra Commander had been lying low for the past few weeks, but the coast was finally clear.  
  
The door opened a crack, revealing a Japanese man in his early twenties whom Destro had never seen before. But this was the address the Commander had secured.  
  
"Is there a problem with snakes in here?," Destro shouted.   
  
"Not after I've done my thing," the teenager grinned. He spoke with a New York accent as unconvincing as his blonde hair dye.  
  
"And you are?"   
  
"Jounouchi, but you gaijins can call me 'Joey'. Your friend's in the bathroom getting cleaned up. He'll be out in a minute."  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"How did you meet this 'Joey'?," Destro asked as he drove towards his helicopter.  
  
"Same place I meet all the guys I hide out with," the Commander smirked.  
  
"You're not telling me something... Wait- is he your nephew or something?"  
  
Cobra rolled his eyes, "Hardly."  
  
Destro was quiet the rest of the way, deep in thought.   
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Destro was also quiet at the beginning of the flight back to Cobra HQ. There was something going on here, something Destro felt he was thisclose to figuring out. But what?  
  
Destro glanced outside the window, catching a glimpse of Mount Olympus. He stood up triumphantly. "You're a Ganymede!"  
  
Cobra stared at him, "You know- no one uses that term anymore...."  
  
"But you are that... what else is it called? Pederast!"  
  
"No one uses that word for it anymore, either," Cobra hissed.  
  
"But you're... that, right? You like men?"  
  
Cobra groaned, having some sense where this was headed. "Yes."  
  
"That means you desire Destro!"  
  
"No- I wouldn't look twice if I saw you in a gay bar."  
  
Destro's eyes widened in shock. "No! That cannot be!"  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
(1 week later, Cobra HQ)  
  
"Sssince we've all been here an hour and Destro hasn't shown, I will just go and tell you the plan... We're going to get every member of GI Joe discharged from the military!"  
  
"How we gonna do that, mate?," Major Bludd asked.  
  
"Compromising photographs of GI Joes will be sent to the Pentagon. I will attend to leading male Joes into compromising positions- with mind control, if seduction fails. The female Joes will be handled by our new recruit, Rainbow Brite."  
  
"I'm getting some pussy! Wooohoooooooo!" Rainbow Brite was the rare sort of flower with the appearance of a supermodel and the demeanor of a horny frat boy.  
  
And in came Destro, wearing leopard print clothing. "Do you desire me now?"  
  
Cobra Commander jumped up, "What sort of poppycock are you smoking? You have a girlfriend!"  
  
Destro pulled the Baroness towards him, "I know! But aren't you jealous?"  
  
"No! You're an immature piece of shit! And I don't like you!"  
  
Destro smirked and pulled the Baroness even closer. "You want this, don't you, my *dear* Cobra Commander?"   
  
"Now, now, now, Destro darling... You're my bitch," the Baroness said calmly. "You don't need everyone drooling after you..."  
  
Destro gazed into the Baroness' eyes. "But it feels so good for everyone to want Destro even if he's a one woman man!"  
  
Cobra had had enough! "James McCullen Destro, you egotistical prick! I do not find you the least bit sexy! You might as well be a woman, you ugly piece of shit!"  
  
Destro was crestfallen, "You want men but not Destro?"  
  
Cobra Commander's eyes gleamed evilly. "I have standards and taste."  
  
Destro began to twitch, "This cannot be... this cannot be..."   
  
"OH, GET OVER YOURSELF!," Cobra and the Baroness yelled.  
  
Destro finally looked up, right at Cobra. "Such a funny joke- pretending you don't want me deep down. I am not fooled!" He ran out of the room, laughing maniacally.  
  
THE END? 


End file.
